Conflict management Styles Questionnaire

1. You and your sibling (or parents) both want to use the computer at the same time.
A I would give up wanting it; no questions asked.
B I would try to force the other party to let me use the computer first.

2. You were upset with a friend for not doing her share of the work for a project. In effect, you did the entire project by yourself.
A I would not tell her how I feel but I would give up on her as a good friend.
B I would listen carefully to my friend’s reasons, and if his reasons were good, I would not let the tutor know that she hasn’t done a thing.

3. You and a classmate both want to use the printer at the same time.
A I would give in to my classmate and write her off as a friend.
B I would ask to solve the problem by suggesting that one person prints the documents for both of us. In the end, both of us wait the same amount of time.

4. You and a classmate both don’t want to be the presenter for the group.
A I would give in to my classmate and write her off as a friend.
B I would compromise by working out an arrangement for alternating the role of presenters for future presentations.

5. You and your friend both are deciding where to go for dinner.
A I would try to force my friend to go where I want to eat even if this will upset her.
B I would listen carefully to my friend and if she is able to convince me, I would let her have her way because a good friend is important.

6. You and your classmate are working on a group project. Both of you want to draw the illustrations, neither wants to write the report.
A I would insist on drawing the illustrations, not caring if she was angry or upset with me.
B I would compromise by agreeing for each of us to draw half the illustrations and write half the report.

7. Your neighbour told you to clean the drain outside your house as the dead leaves can harbour mosquito breeding grounds. You see no reason why you should be the one doing all the hard work when it is a common drain.
A I tell my neighbour to clean the drain himself if the dead leaves are bothering him.
B I would ask for both of us to work on cleaning the drain together since it is a common drain that lies between both your properties.

8. You and your date are going to a movie. You have been dying to watch “Superman” but your date insists on watching “Pirates of the Caribbean”.
A I would choose to watch “Pirates of the Caribbean” because my relationship with my date is important.
B I would suggest that both of watch the animated film “Cars” instead.

9. Your colleague told several other people some unflattering information about you.
A I would listen carefully to why he said those negative things about me, and if his reasons were more valid, I would forgive him.
B I would try to solve the problem by asking my colleague what happened and work out an agreement where you will discuss differences openly.

10. You believed that you did most of the work on a joint project; so did your colleague.
A I would compromise by agreeing that we both did half.
B I would try to solve the problem by reviewing each aspect of the paper and decide who had done how much on that aspect.

SCORING INDEX
Circle the letters below that you circled on each question. Then total the number of letters circled in each column.




Accommodating (The Teddy Bear)

Teddy bears value harmony and want to be accepted or liked by others. To teddy bears, relationships are of great importance while their own goals are of little importance. They will give up their goals and let the other person achieve his or hers.

Life experience:

Personally I totally agree to the result of the managing conflict questionnaire that I have done. Indeed relationships can create a very big impact in my life, be it positively or negatively. For instance, I need my parents to show their concern towards me every day especially in the case when I am the only child in the family. Hence a simple hug from them will be enough to keep me cheerful all day long, as through this action, I am able to sense the love from them. This is crucial to me for I strongly believe that this is what it takes to build a strong relationship between each other. Thus the relationships build between one another matters a lot to me, either making me more fulfilling or causing a pitfall in the journey of my life. In the times of conflicts, most of the time, I would follow the suit of my friends if my decision differs from them. Looking at the positive side, it is a way of how I treasure the friendship among us for I see it much more important than the decisions in my life. On the other hand, this personality of mine actually portrays the weakness in me ---- unable to make a firm decision. Whenever my decision differs from the others, I would easily be convinced and suit the decision of the rest, and would not fight for my decision to the end. This is mainly because I see that this would just end up in an argument which is unnecessary for it to happen, hence I chose this “method” to avoid conflicts to happen and keep it to the minimal, for I believe that conflicts would only strain the relationship between friends and cause many subsequent problems after that.
In my journey of life, I hope that I can slowly change from a personality of accommodating (teddy bear )to someone who has a character of collaborating (owl). This is because an ‘owl ‘is able to balance both relationships and realistic problems. Hence it will not affect their perspective in looking at the way of handling the problems that arise in their lives which I believe will land them in an objective position.


Kare Anderson’s Model for Conflict Resolution




Step 1: Know yourself and focus on what is most important to you. Identify the best outcome you hope to attain, your goal, and the minimum acceptable outcome you’ll accept. What will the result look like? How does it relate to my bottom line? How will it make me feel? Would the solution bring you closer to other person?

Step 2: Probe for others’ needs. Don’t assume what the other person wants. Take time to validate your assumptions before acting on them. Give allowance for the other’s lack of self-awareness. Use it to anticipate trouble and skirt it. Anticipate how he reacts to your actions when you meet him to resolve the conflict. Speak in a manner that the other person feels comfortable to you. Look for sources of fear and anger.

Step 3: Invest time to build trust. Show that you are really listening. Acknowledge differences and seek suggestions on how to move towards a mutually agreeable solution. Spend more time to get to know him. Practise smiling and watch your body language. Ask important question and for advise so as to find out exactly WHAT HE WANTS, HOW HE FEELS. LISTEN to show respect and that he is being heard. Control your negative emotions. (Discover their real intentions)

Step 4: Address the other person’s interest first. If you have ideas that are close to his ideas, desires and value, spell them out clearly. Explain the benefits to him; demonstrate how they relate to your benefits. Begin with positive points, move on to negative news and end on a positive note. Providing more options will help you to move towards agreement. Stay flexible. Don’t argue if you are not prepared. Acknowledge but need not agree.


My MBTI Personality test

ISFP (Dominant Introverted Feeling)

Usually gentle and kind, they are intense and passionate about their values and deeply held beliefs, which they share with trusted friends. Because of their discreet manner, their enthusiasm may not be apparent. They are sensitive to others' pain, restlessness or general discomfort and strive to find happiness, balance and wholeness for themselves in order to help others find joy, satisfaction and plenitude. They are deeply empathetic.

They live life in an intently personal fashion, acting on the belief that each person is unique and that social norms are to be respected only if they do not hinder personal development or expression. They strive to adhere to their own high personal moral standards and are particularly sensitive to inconsistencies in their environment between what is being said and what is being done. Empty promises of adhering to something they value – such as environmental causes or human rights - set off an inner alarm and they may transform themselves into modern day Joan of Arcs.

They are quietly persistent in raising awareness of cherished causes and often fight for the underdog in quiet or not-so-quiet ways. In a team, they will raise issues of integrity, authenticity, and good or bad, and may to opt out if the team refuses to address the questions raised. They are usually tolerant and open-minded, insightful, flexible and understanding. They live for the understanding of others and feel deeply grateful when someone takes the time to get to know them personally. They have good listening skills, are genuinely concerned, insightful, and usually avid readers. At their best, they inspire others to be themselves.