1. My Definition of Fear is…

False evidence appearing real

For myself, my definition of fear is a feeling that will cause great discomfort to me and make me got frightened easily. I strongly believe that everyone has got his/her own fears and we can never prevent these things from happening. However, we can learn how to manage these fears that we possess and transform it into a positive one. The things that i fear of are the general ones for instance, creepy creatures (cockroaches, etc),dogs, and dark. One fear that i haven within me which i feel that it is quite unique in the sense that it is not the common fear that the others have, and that is the thunder and lightning. Since young, i have always been terrified of both of them, for they give me a sense of insecurity which i am frightened of. In the case of rainy days when either thunder or lightning exists, i would be the first one to cover my ears which has become a habit for me. Even though, deep down in my heart, i knew that by doing this simple action i would still be able to hear the majestic sound made by the nature, i feel much more secure in my heart and less afraid as before. Therefore i felt that fear has always been around me, and the only way i could defeat fear is through the way i learnt on how to actually manage these fears and hence control my emotions.

2. How Much Do You Know About Fear?

Answer Agree (A) / Disagree (D) in the second column

1. Fear is part of growing up. (A)

2. Fear is accompanied by physical symptoms.(A)

3. Freedom from fear is possible. (A)

4. Courage is the absence of fear.(D)

5. Fear is bad for you.(A)

6. Fear consumes your energy.(A)

7. Overcoming fear boosts self confidence.(A)

8. Fear can be exaggerated. (A)

1. Physical Signs of Fear

List down the physical signs of fear.

Tightened Muscles
Panting
Heart beat getting faster
Hyperventilation
Body weaken
Face turning white
Unclear speech
Tightened fist
Sweating
Negative emotions aroused

2. Negative Feelings and Thoughts

Feeling stupid
Feeling nervous
Negative emotions aroused

3. Fear-driven Behaviours

Eating disorders
Addiction to cigarettes, alcohol, etc.
No interest in studying
Stammers when talking
Getting frightened easily
Body freezes
Portraying negative emotions more often
Feels cold
Shivering

Managing Fears

Step 1 Know Your Fear

1. Work out what it is you fear
Is there something you would very much like to do but too afraid to do so? Think about what you are most afraid of. Is it a fear of an emotion, person, situation, or future?

As mentioned above, I am fearful of the dark and negative side of nature (thundering with lightning). I have always wanted to try sleeping without a lamp beside me, and without the company of my mom to sleep in with me during rainy days. I feel that I have indeed grown up and should learn to be independent and not rely that much on my parents as before. Hence sometimes I really wish that I can be less dependent on them. However when the following situations occur, the fear in my heart simply overtake my normal self, and I was again back to clinging onto my mom for “help”. With her around, I will feel much secured and able to sleep comfortably during rainy days. And the lamp that has always been beside my room eventually acts as the “mom” I have always grip onto, whereby this happens only when in sunny nights.


2. Identify the triggers of your fear
Think about the triggers of your fear. It could be a situation, a feeling, or a person, who sets off the fear.

The trigger for my fear is simply the fact that I am the only child in the family; hence this builds up the personality of shy and fearful within me. Being the only child, it is natural that I become more and more dependent on my parents compared to other teenagers during the years of growing up. It is the mindset that everyday our parents would be there to handle our problems and direct our lives into the right path which contribute to the high level of dependency towards them. Hence I believe that this is the main trigger of the fears that possess within me, which the dependency that I have actually turns out to be a negative one that cause many effects in my life and one of them is definitely – FEAR in terms of insecurity, surroundings, and many more.

3. Be aware of your fear-driven responses

i. Physical Signs of Fear
Write down the physical signs of your fear.

- My heart pounds rapidly
- I feel cold
- I will shiver
- My body does not respond – freezes
- I stammers and my voice will shakes

One incident that I remembered clearly was during the massive blackout island wide in Singapore, it was that time that I felt the feeling of fear very different from before. I was alone at home with my grandparents at that time. My parents were still not back from work. When the light actually blackout, I screamed at the top of my voice and broke into tears. I called for my grandma and hug her tightly. We couldn’t find the torch light for it was really too dark and I remembered that I was so frightened that I held onto her hands tightly. We went round the house searching for torch light and we finally found one, we settled down and wait for my parents to come home. It was then that I realised that this blackout affects the entire neighbourhood around us, and thus was a massive blackout. The whole house was only lit with a tiny strength of light coming from the torch light. I was terrified and held onto grandma tightly. I was so worried that she might fell asleep since it was rather late at night, so I kept talking to her, and reminding her not to fall asleep. It was then when my parents came back and that was another obstacle for me. As the whole corridor was very dark, I couldn’t even see the image of my parents. The only way to find out was to ask questions and tried to recognise the voices. I was fearful that it might be strangers which I opened the door to. This was indeed an experience for me that have indeed left its footprint in my heart. It was indeed a great challenge to me, and I was glad that I have managed to overcome it with the help of my grandmother.

ii. Negative Feelings, Thoughts and Behaviours
Write down the negative thoughts, feelings, and behaviours you have when you experience fear.

In the experiences of fear, indeed many negative thoughts flashed through my mind.
- “ Will the blackout eventually resume?”
- “ Will the thunder and lightning stop?”
- “ What happens if grandma wasn’t with me?”
- “What happens when all these happened when I was alone?”
- “ Will I be able to overcome it?”

Step 2: Commiting to master your fear

1. State your goal(s) for mastering your fear
Make your goal(s) specific and concrete. Think about how your life can be improved if you achieved this goal and how you want to feel.

- Sleep in my own room without a bright lamp beside me
- Sleep without the company of mom whenever there is thunder or lightning
- Try my very best to only seeking assistance from my mom at the last resort

I hoped that I will be less dependent on my parents in terms of fear whereby I can learn to manage and overcome it through my own effort. If I am able to conquer fear, I will feel a sense of achievement and I believe that my parents will be proud of this whereby their daughter has indeed grown up spiritually in terms of actions and in the mindset. With this, I believe that I will be a much confident and determined girl who will possess a positive attitude towards my journey of life.

Step 3 Reduce Physical Signs of Fear

1. Deep Breathing Exercises

STEP 1 Put your hand on your abdomen. Tighten your abdominal muscles so that they feel tense. Hold the tension for a few seconds.
STEP 2 Relax your abdominal muscles. Feel the difference between the tension and the relaxation.
STEP 3 With you hand still on your abdomen. Now breathe in through the nose in such a way that your hand is pushed up by the inflated abdomen. Hold your breath for a moment.
STEP 4 Breathe out through the mouth and notice how your abdomen contracts and your hand goes down.
STEP 5 Repeat Steps 3 and 4 about ten times and notice how you become calmer as you are doing this exercise.

2. Counting Breaths

STEP 1 Close your eyes, breathe in so your abdominal area rises. Then breathe out.
STEP 2 In your mind, count “1”. Keep your thoughts focussed on breathing only.
STEP 3 Continue breathing in and out; each time you breathe out, count the next number in your mind.

3. Visualisation

Create a mental imagery of a relaxing place, e.g. a beach, a romantic garden, or by the river. Explore, using your imagination, the visual sights of the place. Imagine the tactile sensations that you can feel and the sounds you can hear.

4. Physical Exercise

Step 4 Deal with Negative Self-Talk

Script your internal dialogue where you reframe your negative self-talk (cognitive restructuring) that you had generated for Step 1. At the same time, write a few self-affirming statements.

- I can copy with my current lifestyle even with new surrounding and modules that I am taking
- I can score well for my upcoming examinations
- I can brighten up someone’s day at all occasions
- I can sleep without turning any lights on

Step 5 Make an Action Plan

Goal: Achieve a degree of accountancy in local university

Milestones:
- manage time well between school, family, friends and interest (piano)
- consult tutors and friends/ seniors if I have problem understanding the topic
- revise my work regularly so that I will not have to collate everything to the day before the test, whereby it will hence affect my results
- obtain a GPA of at least 3.5 so as to qualify for university locally


Resources needed to achieve goal:
- Save approximately $200,000 to study in a local university for the degree in the perspective of my parents

Possible obstacles:
- may not be able to achieve the amount needed to study in a local university due to the high cost of living and inflation rate
- time management would be a great challenge to me because I have to handle both projects in school as well as my another goal which is to achieve the diploma in music
- May have difficulty understanding new modules every new semester

Personally I feel that there are opportunities for me to overcome and conquer these problems as they are more important issues compared to them. Most importantly, I feel that it is the passion and enthusiasm I possess for the field that I want to study that matters. Without the zeal to commit in the area, all the issues will transform into a challenge to me and no matter how hard I tried, I will not be able to obtain good results that I always hope to achieve. This is because without the passion that drives me to excel better, there is no way I can obtain good results, for passion is the root factor that contributes to the success of a person!